Thanks for sharing your story and sorry to hear what you are going through. If he is unable to address the issue in a reasonable manner and there is no health problem explanation for his low sex drive, particularly if he's minimizing it's affect on your self esteem then you need to consider if you want to be in the relationship Ultimately you're a healthy woman with completely normal needs. Google his name and see how you go, but your issue is something they may be able to help with. Athol Kay's website is aimed at married men with low sex marriages, however it is very supportive of women suffering from low sex relationships - supporting getting to the bottom of the issue with a great team on their forum. He seems a little too young to have issues with low testosterone so my bet is that he's getting sex elsewhere. I'm not going to say "I'd die for my partner to be wanting more sex with me). I'm also not the best to comment as I'm a man from a terminal sexless marriage - and advice is best sought from those more experienced in these matters (i.e.
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Maybe keep an eye out for it rather than confronting it directly. Naturally I'd be concerned he's getting it elsewhere and this seriously needs to be considered. He doesn't initiate anymore but complains that you don't initiate - so you initiate and he blows you off. He is great & i love him & want to be with him but i don't want to be in a sexless relationship forever, especially when i feel we can't talk openly about these things. & all he wanted to do was lay on the couch. then i went & prepared all excited, nice perfume etc. He told me the other night before i left to go away for work, that he wanted to do it.
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I travel a lot for work & he won't even be intimate with me before i leave for a week away. (even though it is true) he got very defensive even though i told him that i was finding it difficult to talk to him about it & was worried of the consequences & i was only telling him because i love him & want us to work. Anyway, i told him how i felt & he got upset with me & told me that i shouldn't put all the blame on him & i am acting like he is the reason i feel so down about myself. I felt physically sick because i knew he would get the shits. I really tried to open up to him the other day & talk to him about it. but i am so down because he doesn't want me! It is a vicious cycle :( He said this makes it worse & it doesn't really make him feel like he wants me when i am so down. My self esteem is shot & i am so down on myself. My self confidence is now non-existent from being constantly rejected. We are lucky if we have sex once a month, usually it is less than that & we are both physically fit, healthy & attractive. but when i am being spontaneous - refer to the above. so then i ask to plan it & he tells me it will feel forced & not spontaneous. but every time i do he is tired, or sick or not in the mood, or has something more important to do, or tells me my timing is terrible.
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The unfortunate thing is, that i really do try. He never initiates anymore, & then gets annoyed with me because he feels i don't initiate. even before he started medications he has just not wanted it. In the past year, the sex has gone from amazing & frequent to non-existent.
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We have been together for 2.5 years, live together, have created a home & life together & we would like to head in the direction of marriage. I suffer from bi-polar (mostly under control) & he suffers from anxiety & depression (he is on meds) I'm a 30 y/o woman in a long term relationship with a 29 y/o guy.